Note autrice: Il pezzo è tratto da un ipotetico diario di Heathcliff. Siamo nel capitolo nove, dopo che Heathcliff ha ascoltato parte della conversazione di Catherine con Nelly Dean in cui viene rivelata la sua decisione di sposare Edgar.
Il testo è in inglese, poiché sto leggendo il libro in lingua originale, e non credo che la traduzione del mio brano in italiano mi darebbe soddisfazione.
(* Heathcliff nel romanzo non sente queste parole poiché ha già lasciato la cucina, ma io ho voluto integrarle nel mio scritto.*
Buona lettura e se vi va fatemi sapere cosa ne pensate!

"It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now."

Her damned words refuse to leave my mind. They whirl in my thoughts without stopping tormenting me since I heard her telling those words to Nelly.
How could she dare to say such haughty words? 'Till short time ago she was not anyone. She was just... like me.
We were savages, we were free. But most important, we were HAPPY. I don't mind how many punishments I've been receiving after Mr. Earnshaw's death, I would bear again all of them, if that would mean to be free and happy with my Catherine again.
But then she spent those five weeks with those Lintons. And they changed her.
They made her a young lady, aware of the social differences between herself and me.
When she was younger, she was not as egotistical as she is now. "It would degrade me." God, no, she wasn't. She was altruist, at least with me.
And then those other words, that I don't know whether they are worse or better than the first ones. "He shall never know how I love him, because he's more myself than I am." (*)
I know she's right. I know. But I cannot tolerate that this is the reason why she can't marry me. I am no-one without her: if I am more her than herself, then she is more me than myself.
Worse, she decided to marry that Edgar.
That pampered, whiner, perfect boy.
The one who changed Catherine into the beautiful and capricious lady she has become. Well, she has always been beautiful, but in a different way, maybe in a less ambitious way.
She was the one who was mocking at the Lintons' window, that day, watching Edgar and Isabella arguing over the little dog.
"It would degrade me to marry Hearhcliff now." Please stop it, please.
I know I am only a refused, hated, filthy orphan, but how can I deserve such a painful punishment? It's way worse than all of Hindley's tyrannies, worse than my life in Liverpool, if that could have been called 'life'.
I will not stay here watching Catherine being happy, get married and become the lady of high society that the Lintons are making of her.
I don't know what to do. I'm so angry, so hurt.
I won't neither continue to be the one oppressed and taunted by Hindley.
Maybe I can go somewhere away.
Yes.